Since I was young I’ve always been a people pleaser. I followed every rule at home and at school to ensure I was the favourite child or the teachers pet. This was the case with friendships too. I avoided confrontation and fell victim to bullying; mostly in my primary school years.
In my teens and twenty’s, I was the YES girl. Yes to one more tequila shot, yes to dating that guy I really wasn’t interested in, yes to that job opportunity that I didn’t align with. You get the idea!
Since I left my full time career 2 years ago, I have started saying ‘no’ to things that just don’t make me feel good. Leaving my job was the catalyst for change. I stay at home more (I have discovered that I am such a home body!!) and have hand selected the people I choose to spend my time with.
Turns out, the word ‘NO’ is a complete sentence. No explanations necessary. If it doesn’t feel good deep in your gut, then say no!
But, it’s not as easy as it sounds. It look me a long time to cope with the guilt that I felt when I said no. I always felt like I was disappointing people. For me, it just took time and practice. And boy did I see the results. I felt I had more control over my own life.
A few weeks ago my friend Mastura from the Wonder Women Project mentioned to me the concept of saying a ‘compassionate no'.’ I then realized that this is something I have been doing these last few years but never understood what I was actually doing - I was actually setting boundaries to benefit my emotional health.
I found an article that may be of interest to you all about compassionate boundaries. Please let me know your thoughts on this and how you might be able to start implementing compassionate boundaries into your life.
With Love, J x